NP3 Neuro Programmer and My Journey Back
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Posted 30 October 2011 - 08:18 PM
This is my personal experience with the NP3 (originally NP2) program. Everyone is obviously their own best guide and the approach I followed was tailored to my own needs. But it has been a life changing (maybe saving) experience for me and I offer it here in the hope that it might be useful to someone else in some way. I would very much appreciate anyone's additional perspectives. Thanks! G.
My situation when I stumbled across the Transparent website was very difficult. I was in a state of deep mental depression and physical illness that had devolved into a continual feeling of profound sickening horror. (Yuck) Mental focus was impossible for me. I knew that every day I would be waking up to the same reality and I suspected that the rest of my life was going to be more of the same. (I'm talking about 40 years of this in gradually increasing doses)
I also come from a family with a lot of mental illness going way back on the family tree. I had been to the Daniel Amen clinic and received a SPECT scan that showed that large areas of my brain were not fully operational. In fact, the scan looked like one of the drug addict brain scans from his book 'Change Your Brain, Change Your Life'. The clinic prescribed a drug (Trileptal) that cooled down the hypothalamus and reduced the "horror" aspect of my emotional existence somewhat, but there was no drug that would stimulate the brain into higher level of activities without also increasing the hypothalamus activity. I also had some chronic physical problems such as IBS and year round sinus infections that I couldn't take antibiotics for because with my fragile neurological state, the antibiotics inevitably sent me into a scary bottomless black suicidal hole.
Only the fact that my family needed me was keeping me alive. I sincerely hope that no one reading this now can fully comprehend the mental state I was in. Looking back on it now, I can hardly believe where I was at the time and how far I have come. I had to find my own way out, because after years of seeing a stream of medical specialists on my slow downward slide, it finally dawned on me that the medical establishment was never going to be able to turn my situation around. I had to figure things out for myself even though I only had half a functioning brain to do it with.
The first session with the NP2 was like introducing water into a dry sponge. My brain soaked up the entrainment and I was high for days afterward. It was a wonderful release, but frankly a bit much. Subsequent sessions became more grounded and I was able to enter into a more useful building process. I will freely admit that I am still not a sophisticated user and have really not explored the nuances of frequency responses and quite frankly, don't have the time or inclination to play much with all of the incredible NP3 options, but with all of that, I have created several beautiful 20 minute sessions exploring the regions from 12 to 6 cps that incorporate my own nature sounds recordings and Thought Sounds backgrounds that have served my needs for years.
Affirmations are the tools that I have used for emotional resolution and goal visualization and used them intensively early on but later less and less as I learned to identify my unhelpful beliefs, drill down to the bottom of their origins and then process them through. For me, this was a series of projects that happened in layers. It was always good to find that there was a bottom to each problem area and realize that the process was exactly like cleaning out a closet. The only difference being that the various articles in the closet all carried an emotional charge. Some more, some less, but all of the items were in the closet precisely because of their emotional charge. It was also very interesting for me to see how my mental closets perfectly preserved every miserable item in them. Why had 40 years of talking therapy and all those thousands of dollars not reduced the emotional charge of all that stuff? I can only be grateful that I finally found a simple formula that worked for me. Here it is below. It may seem linear and straightforward, but figuring out what would work for me was not nearly a tidy process for my poor old crippled brain. I hope my own approach will give someone else at least a useful starting point.
First, I had to develop the skill to focus "around the edges" and notice my feelings as they came up in my everyday activities in the world. I also had to allow it to be OK that I wasn't comfortable with many situations and people, to notice my responses and entertain the possibility that any crippling fear could be set aside and the discomfort experienced directly and with safety. (This was a difficult skill that I still have to work on every day.)
It did became easier to isolate my emotional 'creatures' and experience the anxiety they held as discreet entities, but it was very scary at the start. Being alone with them and only hoping that I had enough inner resources, I slowly discovered that my subconscious intelligence was always enough to run the processing experience in the right direction as long as I didn't let fear get in the way. Here is where the NP3 became my very best ally.
The NP3 allowed me to not feel alone with the emotions. I found it useful to visualize the session soundscape as being modulated by a great crystal that could provide guidance through the emotional tangle I was focusing on. It was not at all an intellectual process except that I had to deliberately create a soft, open space around the sometimes horrible emotional creature and enter a state of 'wondering'. For some reason, wondering without pushing for any resolution is the most useful mental state for my affirmation sessions. I could gauge how well the session had done it's job by the amount of energy and peace I felt afterward. I found that bigger scarier issues released more good feelings than smaller issues. This was the surprise silver lining around every fear creature I ever worked on (if 'work' is the right word). The surprising thing to me was that no matter how enormous the anxiety load attached to any of my things or how impossible they seemed, there was never anything bad inside them once I was willing to completely enter their domain again. Sort of like popping huge ugly balloons and finding they're full of candy.
This is now my approach with emotional roadblocks.
I try out new affirmations and notice my visceral response. A strong reaction always means there's something worth exploring. My preference with affirmations is to use the Microsoft Sam voice slowed down to become sort of a godlike voice with some emphasis highlights and delays added to get the affirmation sounding the way I want them. Phrasing can also make a big difference. "Can" rather than "Will". Phrases delivered the way the most loving and supportive person I ever knew would say them. I use affirmations at low amplitude to avoid the shock of a voice entering the mind space and provide long intervals that allowed a good 'soak' time. If the message was on the money, there will always be a series of emotional ripples afterward in the form of subtle sensations, openings and connections that would occur following each delivery of the affirmation. This stuff is impossible to put into words but it is very real and the resolution they create is very easy to recognize. I also find that the reaction process takes as long as it needs to. Originally, I would sometimes have had to get up in the middle of a session and add to the interval between repetitions. (Duh) Then I learned to always set a three minute interval and that seemed to be long enough for most cases.
This was a case of practice making perfect and it took a while to get things right. Kind of like the first time I sat down at a computer and had a hard time making things work.
I have also taken some several month long breaks in my daily use of the NP3 when I felt that the particular direction I was headed had been reached and for me the improvements were never lessened by stopping. But there was always a new goal that would present itself and a new level of growth needed that would send me back for more.
I also use my favorite sessions without affirmations as a form of mental weightlifting. I can't really explain why it makes me stronger mentally, but it is so much easier for me to set goals and achieve them now. Without affirmations, I find that if I simply move my awareness slowly around different areas of my brain and stay with each awhile, I am able to achieve a mental refreshment and relaxation that is much better than taking a nap. It's very helpful to know what areas generally do what in the brain. The structures of the hypothalamus are particularly useful to experience for emotional and physical health generally. (See the Psychobiology of Mind-Body Healing - E. Rossi) One rather interesting side effect of the entrainment is that I no longer have to drink decaf coffee. The shakiness and jitters that I used to get just don't happen any more. I see it as just a small part of my new found neurological robustness.
Right now, I'm writing an ebook on how I resolved the other physical ailments I had for so long and hope to release it soon.
I guess the big lesson for me was really to never give up and realize that somewhere in this incredible world, there is an answer to every question if you are willing to keep looking with an open mind.
- jdtraub likes this
Posted 19 July 2012 - 02:29 AM
Thank you for your generous and helpful letter. I have a feeling I'll be re-reading it several times as I progress with my own use of NP3 and Mind Workstation.
Congratulations on finding a way to make yourself whole. Thanks for sharing your insight.
Congratulations on finding a way to make yourself whole. Thanks for sharing your insight.
Posted 19 July 2012 - 02:31 AM
Forgot to ask... do you have any insight on Theta vs. Alpha? Also curious what you think of each of these wave types in terms of affirmations and visualization.
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